The worst thing about really positive days is the blackness that comes after.
I’ve had two really good days this week. I have fought my fears and proved that no matter what I think or feel, things can be different.
Yesterday however I paid the price of high positivity with the worst day I have had in a long time.
To the point where I decided to end it all and started taking pills. I guess I should be grateful that at least a little bit of my brain still worked enough to stop me from taking too many, but I still don’t want to be here.
I am alone.
I cried out on twitter but no one heard, for the same reason I am alone in life, I am just as alone on there, people are too busy to care. Too wrapped up in their own lives and problems to care about mine, just as they are too busy to answer the texts and messages I send trying to keep in touch with them, and check how they are doing.
So I am still here for now. Tomorrow is another day, and at least as the blackness leaves me for now I am feeling slightly better, although I don’t know for how long. I am in an epic battle in my own head at the moment and I fear it is one I am losing….