National do everything you can every day for a whole month, halfway point

So we’ve reached the halfway point, and here’s how I’m doing.

NaNoWriMo word count = 0

Too late to make the target of 50,000 but there’s still time for me to beat my own personal 10,000 word target. (Honest)

NaBloPoMo post count = 20+

Although I have been highly guilty of countng my photo a day challenge posts, as NaBloPoMo posts.

FMSPhotoADay

14 out of 15 because I haven’t done todays yet, but Yay! I managed something ūüėÄ Now just to keep it up.

NatProMo

Oh yes I’ve procrastinated a lot…..

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NatProMo Day 2

Today was planned as somewhat relaxing and quiet as I was due to be working tonight.

At just after nine this morning though that all changed when I work called and asked me to go in four hours earlier for my night shift tonight. ¬†This meant that I would not be seeing the Boyf today as I would have to be leaving before he got home from work. ¬†It also meant I didn’t have as much spare time as I¬†wanted to try to¬†sleep before going in to work, which meant less time to do anything full stop.

So instead, what I did was fit in a quick trip to the post office, a row with the Boyfriend over the fact he’s currently working six days a week and a can’t have a day off, not ¬†to mention being in a pissy because he can’t even fit in a quick lunchtime visit.

I followed that up with a lunchtime sandwich before heading off to bed.  Friday night traffic means leaving almost two hours early to get to work because the journey is going to be hell, and of course being at work means actually pretending like I do some of the stuff, and leaving me no time for anything else.

I have procrastinated better than I expected today, as the change in plans left much less time for which I needed to find alternative activities.

 

NatProMo Day 1

That’s my newly inspired ‘National Procrastination Month’ in case you were wondering, and today’s methods of procrastination include….

Watching the entire first series of Cracker. That’s the proper Brit series from 1993, by the way, not ‘Fitz’ the ubiquitous American re-make.

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Then undertaking to ‘wipe’ the Boyfs phone, which after half a dozen failed attempts to manually wipe and reset its data, took 2+ hours, an iTunes update, an iOS update and being forced into recovery mode to finally get this very poorly and broken iPhone 4 to accept a factory reset.

Followed shortly after by half an hour running backwards and forwards turning taps on and off for the man from the water company, while he worked out for himself which of the six meters for my apartment block belongs to me, because despite me being right in what I’ve told them, they believe I’ve supplied them with the wrong meter number for my place…..

*sigh*

Being honest with myself

because sometimes you just have to.

There’s a reason for my love of procrastination, and to be blunt about it, it’s a complete lack of faith in my own abilities.

As much as I would love to be a writer, I don’t believe I have the ability to do it. I don’t believe I have an imagination to come up with great stories. I’m almost of the opinion why am I bothering? before I even start. Every other year I sign myself up for NaNoWriMo, and every other year I sit for a few days staring at a blank screen, before beginning to find and increasing number of other things to do instead of sitting there, and finally giving up for another year.

Then because I’ve given up I feel like everyone I know is laughing at my attempts to call myself anything because I can’t do it, and that every time I say something about writing people just sneer to themselves that I’m all talk.

I set myself up for failure every year before I start. I believe I am a failure, and unable to do this. In fact I often wonder if I shouldn’t just give it all up and resign myself to just being a reader, but then the annoying little voice inside my head tells me I’ll never be happy if that’s what I do.

It remains to be seen if I manage to do anything this month, but as always I’ll give it a try, and if I can at least beat my all time best of 10,000 words then maybe there’s a glimmer of hope for me after all.