Just because you can read….

it doesn’t mean you can write, but it doesn’t mean I can’t dream either.

There is a question I am being asked more and more frequently of late, to the point where even my own mother has got in on the act.

“When are you going to write your / Why don’t you write a book”

It stems from my love of books, and all things bookish, my years of attending book festivals, and my friends who either write themselves or are somehow ‘in the industry’. You’ve seen from my posts here I get through an awful lot of books, I’m already up to 64 for the year, and I really enjoy the escapism that comes from losing yourself when reading.

But, am I a writer?

My reviews don’t always suggest so. I know what I like and what I don’t, and if you sit across a table from me I will argue the salient points behind my belief with gusto, but can I get them over to you in a blog post? I’d say not, but If I read the reviews of books I’ve read in broadsheets, or specialist book blogging websites, they often put my offerings to shame, but at the same time, I’m not interested in having the synopsis of a book regurgitated to me, I change my mind, as let’s face it, the review never makes you read a book. Those damn author written taglines on the front cover will though.

When I look at other things I’ve written, on older, now defunct blogs I see something, even if I’m not sure what that something is, that points in another direction.

My desire to write is also hampered by something else. I’m a major league procrastinator, hence this blog. I am always avoiding doing anything that actually needs to be done. Maybe it’s laziness, maybe it’s just being afraid of putting in a lot of hard work for rejection, maybe it’s a fear of failing. I’d say all of the above, but I’ve failed at a lot of things in life and have picked myself up, dusted myself down, and moved forward on a regular basis.

In the time it has taken me to write this post, in my head, I’ve gone from feeling strong for being able to admit a lack of ability to feeling like I”m just making more excuses not to try.

I can read.
I love to read.
I would love to be a writer
but do I lock the ability to write?
Most days I say yes, although in all honesty, I have no idea, but since I can dream, I figure there’s hope for me yet…

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The downside of procrastination….

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You may find yourself forgetting to do something important, like sending off the warranty registration cards for your kitchen full of lovely brand new appliances.

Not such a big deal you think, until you realise you’ve forfeited your 2 year parts and labour guarantee, and then your washing machine goes on the fritz and all your user manual has to say about fixing the problem is

“Try turning it off and on again”

And thus, feeling like an extra in The IT Crowd, you do so and nothing changes.

*sigh*

Yes, this is the position I found myself in the other night when the dryer part of my washer/dryer wouldn’t work.  Instead it chose to flash lights at me rapidly, like a naked old man who thinks that you enjoy nothing better than being repeatedly shown his shrivelled and aged ‘tackle’.

I dutifully switched it off and on again several times to no avail. Fortunately when I tried again at three in the morning it worked fine.

So fingers crossed it was just something simple like the fact the machine was too hot, and not a big fault I need to fix.

Deconstructing personality

in order to Construct Conversations, because that’s what I’ve been doing for the last two days, attending a course on constructive conversations.

Yes, I actually went on a course. Me, the last sort of person you want to be on a course with youm because I don’t see the point of courses. This time though, I decided to leave my sceptical, what’s the point? can’t be bothered with this shit part of me at home for a couple of days.

The result?

I had an enjoyable couple of days, and actually learnt quite a lot. Instead of spending two days role playing difficult conversations as I expected, we spent two days pulling apart our personalities, understanding what made each of us tick, how it can reflect in the things we say and do, and how people who are different may react either well or badly to our own personal styles.

I certainly have plenty of new skills to practice now, and I’m hoping I can keep up the positive attitude I came away from the course with long enough to ingrain these skills in my psyche.

My totally productive non-productive week and a bit

I’ve procrastinated like a trooper so far this month.  It has been quite epic compared to my usual level of procrastination…..

I’ve managed to get myself through three seasons of Cracker and it’s associated special episodes.  I’m now onto the second series of Reaper, and also have Daybreak as my Tellyvisual methods of avoidance.  On top of that I’ve got four books due back at the library on Monday that I haven’t even looked at yet.

I’ve had the parentals down for a visit, and they have done all my DIY while I watched and provided them with tea.  I now have shorter curtains, a curtain pole that doesn’t wobble, and the blind I pulled completely off the wall the morning they were due to arrive, is now safely, and more securely than before back in place.

I’ve had countless arguments with the boyfriend and wallowed in obscene amounts of both self- pity, and self loathing all washed down with too much wine.

Now I have the best excuse for procrastination of all… I’m back at work.

NatProMo Day 2

Today was planned as somewhat relaxing and quiet as I was due to be working tonight.

At just after nine this morning though that all changed when I work called and asked me to go in four hours earlier for my night shift tonight.  This meant that I would not be seeing the Boyf today as I would have to be leaving before he got home from work.  It also meant I didn’t have as much spare time as I wanted to try to sleep before going in to work, which meant less time to do anything full stop.

So instead, what I did was fit in a quick trip to the post office, a row with the Boyfriend over the fact he’s currently working six days a week and a can’t have a day off, not  to mention being in a pissy because he can’t even fit in a quick lunchtime visit.

I followed that up with a lunchtime sandwich before heading off to bed.  Friday night traffic means leaving almost two hours early to get to work because the journey is going to be hell, and of course being at work means actually pretending like I do some of the stuff, and leaving me no time for anything else.

I have procrastinated better than I expected today, as the change in plans left much less time for which I needed to find alternative activities.