“I couldn’t take on someone else’s kids, I’m too selfish”
It was something said to me in conversation a few days ago, and something that’s hit the nail on the head of how I’m feeling right now.
I always believed I could do it. Thought I was generous enough in spirit and had enough love to share that I could deal with it. Turns out I’m not, and I don’t.
Playing third violin in the orchestra of a relationship is a lonely place to be. You are behind the child, behind the demands of the mother, and unable to ask for the support of the father, because any such request always get’s the same response.
“How dare you think you are more important than my child?”
So what do you do when one person in a relationship puts a higher value than the other on their partner? When you know that the person you love will never put you first? For me, right now, the answer is,
“I don’t know”
Or maybe it’s just as simple as admitting I really am too selfish, and maybe that’s why I don’t and never will have kids of my own.